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16 August 2025

Take a Giant Step...

"Remember the feeling as a child
    When you woke up and morning smiled
        It's time you felt like you did then." 

Take a Giant Step lyrics written by Carole King & Gerry Goffin.


     - - - - - 

Autism, social anxiety, depression, a mix of all three or something else? And how do we deal with it? 

I'm not even sure where to begin. So, about me: I'm a positive person of retirement age. I want to help the person who has inspired this post but, so far, I've failed to make much headway.

About him: he's on the spectrum, intelligent, an over-thinker, lacking in self-esteem. As positive as my attitude is, his is negative. He graduated a degree-level course with Merit around 8 or 9 years ago, has had a few job interviews but has never been offered a job. 

He has two long-term friends with whom he maintains regular contact by messaging - they are from different eras of his life and have never met each other. In the last 4 or 5 years, he has met up  with one of them once as, following a few years of stress-eating, he began a lifestyle change just over two years ago and is the slimmest and fittest he has ever been. This boosted his confidence sufficiently to attend a social gathering recently but, since then, it's been downhill. A possible reason for this is that a person he met socially seemed to be a potential friend but then 'ghosted' him, which dredged up all the times he has reached out in the past with similar results. 

History of childhood friendships:

  • From age 1 till 11-ish, a neighbour's daughter was like a sister/cousin. They were opposites in every way but shared a happy childhood and drifted apart as time went by;
  • At age 2, he made a friend at nursery school but the friend's older brother broke the relationship by teasing and bullying;
  • At age 5, he made a friend at primary school and they were inseparable until age ten. At this point, the friend's parents split up and there were difficulties. They went to different schools at age 11 and have never been in contact since.
History of teenage friendships:
  • With hindsight, choosing a boys school was a terrible idea. Whist he made no enemies, neither did he make any friends;
  • At age 15, he joined a small youth theatre group and found some friends to share his Saturdays with;
  • At age 18, everybody's lives went in different directions. Uni was a similar experience to senior school - no enemies but no friends, either.
From age 21, as a lonely adult suffering from anxiety and mild depression (and unaware, at the time, of being on the spectrum), the isolation of covid lockdown at the same time as other stressful family health issues resulted in 'an episode' requiring medical advice. There was no help available - just a suggestion to join a long waiting list. 

It has been a long road from there to here. On the positive side, he is in great shape, physically, and he has researched many aspects of improving his mental wellbeing. However, he would like some friends, a job, a soul-mate, to move into his own home, etc..

Rejection and negativity: reaching out to people he used to know (via social media messenger) has elicited no responses, and establishing contact with new acquaintences hasn't worked, either. He has decided that people just don't want to know him so what's the point of trying.

And with no work experience, there are no career prospects. He lacks confidence so doesn't drive, finds verbal communication traumatic and is non-tactile... which rules out 99.5% of jobs available. 

Is there a way to leap off this downward spiral?


06 August 2025

House Style - Home Décor

Have you looked through Rightmove (or similar) lately? If so, you will surely have noticed a theme in interior decorating choices. White is predominant for walls, laminate for flooring, kitchens often have white or grey cupboards. Everything is "futuristic" minimalist. Some might say it's a blank canvas.

We moved into our house, a new-build, four years ago. All walls were white, floors are light-coloured wooden laminate boards and the fitted kitchen cupboards are, of course, grey slab. None of this changed from day one until recently when our son announced "This is a nice house but it's not a home.

It's a risk to break away from the accepted standard but people must surely be bored of the personality by-pass of minimalism by now. Everyone likes different things, though. I like rooms with natural light and a driftwood, almost bohemian style - which is great for summer but maybe not so cosy in dull, cold months. Another member of the family prefers darker, old-fashioned, cosy rooms which suit evenings, autumn and winter.

How to strike a balance? Without spending a fortune, the wall colour can be changed, as can accessories such as wall art, cushions, plants and other items on display. Lighting can be important, too. Bright or mellow? Ceiling lights can be obtrusive so consider soft options, such as floor/table lamps or fairy lights.

Lounge. This is a room that's a great place for most family things. In the evenings, it's where TV-watching usually takes place. It may also be the main room for relaxing, socialising or entertaining friends after dinner, year round.

Our lounge has triple aspect windows, so is bright during the day. We chose subtle neutrals for the walls (a milky tea colour on three walls and a fourth wall contrast wall of a warm, creamy tint). The rug is currently a light beige-cream berber on a light wood floor but it will be replaced sometime to add some contrast to the room. The only bright colours are courtesy of cushions on the pale blue-grey seating and some wall paintings. Even the window blinds are cream. It still needs more work!

We have several plants dotted around plus some shelves with books, DVDs and CDs (yes, really, because that's the kind of family we are). 

Kitchen/Diner. This is vaguely L-shaped and is also triple-aspect. It was bland with white walls and grey cupboards - you can see many kitchens like it on the internet. But it is a place where coffee is made, baking is done, dinner is cooked and eating takes place, therefore a vibrant feel wouldn't be out of place.

We have painted some of the 'cold' white walls with 'warm' magnolia and two end-walls (one in the diner and one in the kitchen) are now a deep yellow. We even added some non-white, glass-fronted wall cupboards to break up the grey. The bare walls now have a few themed posters to draw the eye from the blocks of grey slab doors. Some of these are our favourite recipes which we typed into the computer, added photographs of our cakes and cookies, added a complementary background colour then we printed them, popped them in some A4 frames... et voila!

Finally, we are currently considering a contrasting wall of texture. Whether this is a fascia of stone, brick, tile or other material is yet to be decided.

Kitchen Photographs!

The original installation is slab grey with no handles, 
a white quartz worktop and off-white walls.

Below the cupboards on the right, we've painted the wall with a bold colour
and added 'clutter' in the form of recipes, spice jars and baking utensils.
On the left is the dining area with contrasting cupboards.


Other rooms
. These will be a later phase.

Our bath/shower rooms are actually OK, maybe just a hint of a light pastel paint would freshen them up.

There are three bedrooms; each will be a design project in its own right.

Finally, the landing and hallway. The hallway needs to be welcoming. On entry, there's a grey mat to wipe your feet and the walls are white. We have a cupboard for shoes (the top of which is cluttered with keys, sunglasses, mail, etc.) and a couple of other items that just look a mess. There is an interesting painting on one wall and three visible doors. The hallway leads to the stairs, which are currently a light softwood that isn't wearing well - so should we consider carpet treads? The walls either side of the stairs are, of course, white and we plan to hang more art, once the walls are painted (but painting stairwells is tricky). 

The landing is bright with a west-facing window to enjoy the sunset, so this will also be a mini-project when the time comes.