Take a Giant Step...

"Remember the feeling as a child

    When you woke up and morning smiled

        It's time you felt like you did then." 

Take a Giant Step lyrics written by Carole King & Gerry Goffin.

     - - - - - 

Autism, social anxiety, depression, a mix of all three or something else? And how do we deal with it? 

I'm not even sure where to begin. So, about me: I'm a positive person of retirement age. I want to help the person who has inspired this post but, so far, I've failed to make much headway.

About him: he's on the spectrum, intelligent, an over-thinker, lacking in self-esteem. As positive as my attitude is, his is negative. He graduated a degree-level course with Merit around 8 or 9 years ago, has had a few job interviews but has never been offered a job. 

He has two long-term friends with whom he maintains regular contact by messaging - they are from different eras of his life and have never met each other. In the last 4 or 5 years, he has met up  with one of them once as, following a few years of stress-eating, he began a lifestyle change just over two years ago and is the slimmest and fittest he has ever been. This boosted his confidence sufficiently to attend a social gathering recently but, since then, it's been downhill. A possible reason for this is that a person he met socially seemed to be a potential friend but then 'ghosted' him, which dredged up all the times he has reached out in the past with similar results. 

History of childhood friendships:

• From age 1 till 11-ish, a neighbour's daughter was like a sister/cousin. They were opposites in every way but shared a happy childhood and drifted apart as time went by;
• At age 2, he made a friend at nursery school but the friend's older brother broke the relationship by teasing and bullying;
• At age 5, he made a friend at primary school and they were inseparable until age ten. At this point, the friend's parents split up and there were difficulties. They went to different schools at age 11 and have never been in contact since.

History of teenage friendships:

• With hindsight, choosing a boys school was a terrible idea. Whist he made no enemies, neither did he make any friends;
• At age 15, he joined a small youth theatre group and found some friends to share his Saturdays with;
• At age 18, everybody's lives went in different directions. Uni was a similar experience to senior school - no enemies but no friends, either.

From age 21, as a lonely adult suffering from anxiety and mild depression (and unaware, at the time, of being on the spectrum), the isolation of covid lockdown at the same time as other stressful family health issues resulted in 'an episode' requiring medical advice. There was no help available - just a suggestion to join a long waiting list. 

It has been a long road from there to here. On the positive side, he is in great shape, physically, and he has researched many aspects of improving his mental wellbeing. However, he would like some friends, a job, a soul-mate, to move into his own home, etc..

Rejection and negativity: reaching out to people he used to know (via social media messenger) has elicited no responses, and establishing contact with new acquaintences hasn't worked, either. He has decided that people just don't want to know him so what's the point of trying.

And with no work experience, there are no career prospects. He lacks confidence so doesn't drive, finds verbal communication traumatic and is non-tactile... which rules out 99.5% of jobs available. 

Is there a way to leap off this downward spiral?

Dinosaur Days & The NHS

Without wishing to promote negativity and hopelessness in a bleak, dystopian future (good start), this post refers to life in the 21st century.

Mid-20th century people are getting old. Most worked hard to enjoy their retirement, not realising that that particular dream was akin to the promise of heaven (i.e. it probably doesn't exist). So, is today's world better than yesterday?

crocodinosaurs

The dinosaurs don't think so. Theirs was a simpler world. They learned to cope with the occasional dangers and continued to wander the beautiful green earth, ignorant of disasters of a global scale, such as the ice age, a world-wide epidemic or the rise of advanced technology. Were there dinosaurs that foresaw the changes? For example, crocodiles seemed to survive the freeze and, more recently, prophets like Isaac Asimov tried to warn us about the future.

falling... 

Is anyone happy right now? Maybe half of us but, according to mind.org.uk, 25% of the UK population is currently experiencing mental health issues. It's not just young people, although they are less likely to have the appropriate experience to fool themselves that things will return to 'normal'. They won't - because 'normal' changes. Today's dinosaurs have the luxury of knowing that their short future is most likely a descent into dementia, care home and death. Wow, that's heavy.

But, a hundred years ago, our however-many-great-grandparents were weary from a harsh war that ended only five years earlier and the industrial evolution continued. War takes a financial toll and, far from being a Utopia, there were hardships, unlike any experienced by Brits today. Power for warmth and light relied heavily on fossil fuels as (mainly Welsh or northern) men toiled in mines, suffering all kinds of illness - and there was no national health system at that time.

Ironically, this post was intended to include a rant about trying to see a GP, so, here goes.

Why is it so hard to book a GP appointment?

Not having had to see a GP for many years, I was shocked at how difficult it is! According to the surgery's website, the 'best' way to get an appointment is to use the e-consult form. I tried this four times with the same result - closed for the day, try again tomorrow. Returning to the website for guidance... it suggests that, alternatively, I could pop in to reception to book an appointment. I did this and was told that I should try e-consult again, at 8am sharp. Thanks, but not very helpful. 

So I did this, too. I went online at 8am and worked through the form. The first few pages were geared to encouraging me to call 111 or some alternative NHS service (which I chose to ignore) and continued with the form (which took 35 minutes) to be told, at the end, that I should find another way to contact the surgery. No! I went back a few pages and changed some of my responses until the form was completed and I received confirmation that I should receive a response within the next couple of days. This had taken an hour.

I had a missed call three hours later, asking me to call the surgery. I did this. the first message said that they were busy and I should fill out an e-consult form. Aaaaaaaarghhhh! At the end of the message, I was given the option of being put through to a receptionist. I duly pressed the required button and the next message said that they were busy and I could try again later (no way) or request a call-back, which I did. To be fair, they called an hour later and an appointment was made for three weeks' time. It was the first available appointment, not with the GP that I wanted to see, but with his apprentice, which I accepted anyway. Better than nothing, I guess.

The post should also cover the way our lives have been significantly altered by the covid epidemic but, quite honestly, I've worn myself out with this one. Maybe another time.